It’s so good to see the readership of  the Paper Magazine is spreading; I have received comments from around the United States, Australia, England and now the North Pole. Not long after the publishing of my last column, As Seen on TV, I have received some very critical comment from that Winter Wonderland and in particular Santa’s Work Shop.

Now I’m not a stranger to receiving both forms of comments from my readers, but never to the extent that I have received from a single location. I accept that not everyone will agree with my opinions or my story lines, it gives me a perspective which I appreciate, so I gave these comments some thought but not to the point of giving me nightmares.

It was Saturday night, maybe it was what I had for dinner, drank or having watched the movie “A Christmas Carol” or a combination of all three, but all I can tell you is that it happened. Like the leading character, Ebenezer Scrooge, three ghosts visited me that night the only difference being they were the Ghosts of Christmas Presents. I will agree that my gifting ability is not one of my strong suits, but this is going a bit too far.

After eating several pieces of pizza, you know the kind with everything and the kitchen sink, a few beers, the movie ended as I remember with Ebenezer gaining the Christmas Spirit. I have the spirit just not to the extent some members of my family, my wife, who believes that the house should be lit like a small metropolitan airport and with Christmas music playing throughout the house from Thanksgiving to New Years.

It began shortly after I dozed off while sitting in my recliner surrounded by the herd, if you need reminding, the herd is how I refer to my three dachshunds. I stirred from my sleep, having that feeling as if someone had been watching me, but not readily sensing a threat, started getting ready for bed. That’s when I noticed the herd was missing and that the wife had yet to arrive home from work.

Thinking this was a bit odd; I began checking the house and found a strange site in the front living room of the house. There stood the heard harnessed to a sleigh with the littlest of the three, Aggie, out front with a red nose, the sleigh being occupied by my wife, wearing a sexy Santa outfit, minus the beard of course. After pinching myself several times to insure I was awake, sexy Ms Santa began to motion me over to the sleigh.

Ok, I’m in no way a prude or anything even close, intrigued yes, but this kind of role play just seemed a little strange. With the wife dressed like a sexy Ms Santa and a sleigh this might work, but with the herd dressed as little reindeer and proximity to the sleigh is just pushing it. That’s when I heard the wife speak in the most seductive voice that I had ever heard say “I’m one of the Ghosts of Christmas Presents and your guide through time and space.

She continued like that of a flight attendant, instructing me that there were two emergency exits located on either side of the sleigh, how to fasten the seatbelt and that the bottom of the seat could be used as a floatation device. A point I have always made, usually using my inside voice when flying in a plane, if I have to use the bottom of my seat as a floatation device there’s probably going to be something on that seat I don’t want to hang onto.

That’s when it happened, sexy Ms Santa gave me the look and told me just to sit there and hang on as she called out by name “On Allie, On Abby, On Aggie you three we have to be done before the clock strikes three”, then there arose such a clatter as we burst through the roof that I thought wouldn’t shatter.

Part 1of 3

Part 2 of this item will be published on Wednesday, with the conclusion on Friday