Today, there is a hole in my heart.  This morning Heaven got a new angel.  It's funny how attached one can get to a pet.  Mesopheles was a 'special' one.  He was the runt of a three kitty litter, and he was full of piss and vinegar.

We did not expect him to live the four or so months he has been around, but he did.  And he lived life really big for such a little guy.  He took to me from day one, and my daughter named him "Mesopheles" which means "Devil", but my wife nick-named him "Butt Munch" because of all the attention he gave me.  I just had to go out into the backyard, and he would come running right to me, wanting me to pick him up and hold him.  Very rarely does one find a cat that wants this kind of attention from a human.  Usually, they demonstrate self-independence, and just keep humans around to feed them, but not Mesopheles.

Mesopheles was the king of the pride in our back yard, a magical place where his furry family played and lived their cat existence, while I usually served their every need.  But he always let me know that he loved me and appreciated all that I did for him.  With that little hum that purred through his whole body and deep into my soul.

Being that he was so little, I always worried most about him.  We have a little pond in our back yard and I don't know how many nights I worried that he might accidently fall into it.  Sometimes he would find him a hidden place and take a nap, and I worried until I finally found him.  I have been looking for a full-time job for the past six months, after being laid off from a firm after it being down sized due to the economy, so when I have not been out job hunting, I have been around the house quite a bit.  This little guy made my lonely days enjoyable with his kitty attitude while my wife worked and my daughter attended school.  I'll miss that very much.

Exactly a year ago, the week before Thanksgiving, one my indoor cats "Poppy" got a bad cold and passed away, he was very old, but like Mesopheles, he loved his human family and showered all of us with more attention and effection than most cats usually do.  When Mesopheles came around, he filled a place in my heart that Poppy once had held exclusively.  Today, that place is empty once again.

My fatboys, my fuzzies, my little fuzzy children, have been just as a special gift to me as my son and daughter have, they gave me so many happy minutes and hours of love and attention.  Something you can't buy, something one could never put a price on.  The picture of Mesopheles on this page captures him as I will always remember him, telling me in his own cat language exactly what he wanted me to know.

He had been feeling badly the past week, he had a bad eye infection and sneezed alot, and so when the women were off doing what they needed to do, I had been bringing him into the house and keeping him covered with a blanket like a baby, and just held him all day, nomatter what other chores I had to do.   He liked to sleep on my shoulder with his head perched there.  When he wasn't sleeping, he would purr like crazy and snuggle up to me.  And I really thought he was getting better, but I guess I was wrong.  At night, he wanted to go back outside and eat and lay next to his furry family.   Though I wanted to keep him inside with me, this is what he wanted to do, so I let him.  Last night I let him out and he seem to be doing fine.

I woke up at about four a.m. this morning and had an awful feeling something was wrong.  I went outside and fed the other cats, but couldn't find Mesopheles because it was so dark outside.  I got a flashlight and searched around the yard and found him laying on a bed of pine needles on the porch.  He was still alive then, and when he saw me, he called out to me with his little yell.  I picked him up and could tell he was dying, and I held him for over an hour as he weakly told me how much he would miss his human daddy. 

I buried him in the little garden out in our back yard as the other cats watched.  They knew.  They knew I was taking care of him.  They came and sat around me as I buried our little Butt Munch.  I will have fond memories of the short time I got to have him around.  I will most probably cry a tear every once in a while throughout the rest of my years as I do when I think of my other pets who have passed over the years.  But I will never forget.

If you have little fuzzy babies around your house, go home today give them all the love and attention you can.  On Thanksgiving next week, give them some of the holiday feast.  Someday you may find yourself in my shoes.  Empty and hurt, and grieving for their loss. And I don't wish that on anyone...